The Adventures Of The Upgraded Vagina
by obsessiveandNUTTY
Summary: Time has been rewritten... but into what exactly?
1. Chapter 1

The eleventh Doctor was hungry.

But not hungry for food.

He threw off the covers of his bed and ran to the control room.

Saving the whole of time and space sometimes made a timelord crave certain…things

On his way, he heard his companions, Amy and Rory, in their room having loud, implausible sex in their bunk bed. This only increased his apatite.

His mind wandered to that console, those keys on the type writer. He would go and stroke them now. Maybe a little harder than usual. Pump that pump as hard as he could. Oh yes.

But when he got there. It appeared as though he and the Tardis would not be able to have their special time together. Sparks were erupting from every corner. The typewriter was on fire. He watched in horror as a small explosion took place that blew a quarter of the console to pieces.

The Doctor tried to fix the broken pieces, but to no avail. He then decided he needed to land, but that didn't seem possible either. It seemed as though every place in every time period contained too many paradoxes for him to land.

"Amy! Rory!" he called out.

But the Doctor's cries of terror could not be heard over Rory's moans of ecstasy.

The Doctor examined his monitor and focused on a certain area of time and space.

No. It couldn't be.

He checked another point in time.

Another point in space.

Another point in both time and space.

An alternate universe.

Five alternate universes.

But there was no denying it. All the fixed points in time had been altered.

In their place, filthy, unbelievable mind-boggling sex took hold.

Everyone (older than 18 obviously) was having sex when they were supposed to be doing other things

"The sex will tear time apart!" the Doctor cried.


	2. Chapter 2

The Daleks had finished mapping out their plan. They were going to exterminate the entirety if reality. They were as excited as Daleks could be and one particular excited Dalek went to the storage room to gather some equipment for celebration. There he found something he never could have thought possible.

A Cyberman.

The Cyberman and Dalek looked at each other, surprised that their first instincts were not to delete and exterminate the other. In fact, they were feeling something else. Something they had never felt before. They were both genetically engineered beings and their creators thought it imprudent to allow such desires to continue. But they just looked so sexy that they managed to, this time, overcome their programming.

They edged closer to each other. The Cyberman leaned forward and whispered as seductively as it could with its monotone voice, "Fuck me, Dalek. Fuck me hard."

The Dalek did not need to be told a third time. Their plunger was slowly rising, not to pick up a contract, but to put it in what the Dalek presumed would be the most beautiful place in the world: The Upgraded Vagina.

The Cyberman got on all fours and thrust its cyberass into the air. The Dalek aimed carefully and inserted its plunger into the wonderful folds before it.

What a lovely vagina it was. The metal lips were so smooth and silky (despite being made of copper) that the Dalek ran the plunger over them slowly, sending shivers up the cyberspine. The plunger made its way deeper into The Upgraded Vagina, but it couldn't get very far in, this upset the Cyberman very much and it began to cry tears of lighter fluid.

'WE-NEED-LUB-RI-CA-TION" the Dalek cried.

It removed the plunger from The Upgraded Vagina and connected it to a teleportation device. A pot of mlookhiyeh appeared before them.

"What. Is. This." the Cyberman asked.

"A-HUMAN-FAMILY'S-DINNER" the Dalek responded.

The Cyberman inserted a cyberfinger into the mlookhiyeh and said, "This. Will. Be. Most. Efficient."

The Dalek dipped it's plunger into the stew as far as it would go. When the plunger was completely covered, they decided it was lubricated enough to once again venture into The Upgraded Vagina.

The plunger slammed in and reached the Upgraded Cervix with no difficulties. The mlookhiyeh proved to be successful. They fucked for hours this way, dipping the plunger back into the mlookhiyeh if too much had dripped off. Sometimes, they alternated and placed the plunger on the Upgraded G-Spot and pushed and sucked on that.

After what felt like a short time, they both reached their orgasms.

"That. Was. Quite. Outstanding" the Cyberman said.

"YES-IT-WAS" the Dalek agreed.

"Shall. We. Do. It. Again." the Cyberman asked.

"THAT-SOUNDS-DELIGHTFUL" the Dalek said.

"Just. Let. Me. Perform. This. Act. Please." the Cyberman said.

It leaned down and cleaned the mlookhiyeh left over with its cybertongue and the Dalek groaned with ecstasy.

After the plunger was cleaned, The Dalek teleported another vat of mlookhiyeh from another family's dinner table for them to use as the universe's best lubricant.


End file.
